Song Yesterday: Broken By You

First lonely night, what will I do?
I feel my heart breakin' in two
I'm such a fool, when will I learn?
I fell so deep, and I got burned.

If you give me just one reason
why my heart just might let go
Maybe one day I will fall in love again
But for now I'll just leave my heart in two.
If I never fall in love again
If I never touch your skin again
If I never see another day
Remember me, remember this
'Cause one thing that will never change
Is the feeling in my heart...
So broken by you.

Love still remains after you're gone
Girl please explain, where did I go wrong?

If you give me just one reason

why my heart just might let go

Maybe one day I will fall in love again

But for now I'll just leave my heart in two.

If I never fall in love again

If I never touch your skin again

If I never see another day

Remember me, remember this

'Cause one thing that will never change

Is the feeling in my heart...

La,la,la,la,la,la,la,la

Never

Never fall in love again

Never pass this way again

Never, never

Never fall in love again

Never pass this way again

Never, never

Never had my heart broken by you

I'll just leave my heart in two. 

The Taste of Betterness

Bitterness what?


So as of press time, I'm finally having my comfort food night (make it comfort food and drink night!) as I wolf down Pino's best off its sophisticated menu. Again, courtesy of FAT - my Oprah in barkada.


Betterness what?
Well, in 5 counts:


Mini Sisig Tacos
Stuffed Tofu Balls
Chicken Lollipops
Shrimp Skewers


and yes,


PINO-ka Margarita!


Bless you, Fat! 
Bliss me!


Update: Dessert Alert!

My 1st Mochiko(s), My 1st time at Mercato

May Fish Be With Me

My manager with VFort inspired me with what could have been the most relevant and timeliest quote ever in my life.

"God's Message: 

Think of a FISH. Pull it out of water and it dies. Because its body is made for water. In the same way, you were made to SWIM IN LOVE. Pull you out of love and you die. YOUR BODY GETS SICK. Whenever you move towards separation, conflict, isolation, and loneliness, something dies within you. Love is good for you, my child."

Again linking it to one of my previous ponderations here 2 weeks ago, it shall be no coincidence that I once wanted to stay drowning [with] in love

Dear God, 
Let me stay swimming in love. 
Take me out of this dark alley of my life that dug itself into me. I'm scared of losing to loneliness and meaninglessness.


May Fish be back with me.

"No Wish is Ungranted

for some are replaced with patience...to wait until the right time comes. Sometimes, what we're wishing for is not, in essence, the actualization of a desire but the immediacy of its fulfillment. When God gives you patience, treat it as a gift bigger than your own wish. Patience is a virtue, not a virtual replacement of your dreams."


- KM Guela

Out of Goodbyes

I'll instead savor this week of misery with lots of whining, whining, and whining. Private. On my own. Till I get sore and numb. When this is finally over and we've run out of goodbyes, I'll make sure there's no turning back and everything will simmer down to absolute oblivion.

You tell me actions speak louder

But there’s something about her words that hurt

Closing up it's so late and

I’m the last one, still waiting for you to unlock the door

On our way home I realize

There’s some kind of storm brewing in his eyes, only veiled by a thin disguise

And now that I’ve done my time

I, I need to move on and I need you to try

Cuz we’re out of goodbyes, we’re out of goodbyes, out of goodbyes

Never asked you to change, but sadly you don’t feel the same about me

I wonder does your man, still shudder when you touch his hand, like this man

And on our way home I realize

There is some kind of storm brewing in his eyes,

Only veiled by a thin disguise

Now that I’ve done my time, I, I need to move on

And I need you to try

Cuz we’re out of goodbyes, we’re out of goodbyes, we’re out of goodbyes

"Out of Goodbyes"

by Maroon 5 feat. Lady Antebellum

BF Material

Quite in tune with my What Are Relationships post couple of weeks ago, this feature by Yahoo! gave me a checklist that's pretty validating of what we, men, are supposed to be when in the "coupledom." Really.
Black has some good points. Emphasis on #2, #3, #7 & #8!

Is he good boyfriend material?

By LaDawn Black

Relationship success is based on two individuals standing in coupledom free of outside influence. My listeners and readers are often challenged by meeting new people who have a “pack mentality” when it comes to relationships. If the new person does not fit in with the “pack” (parents, friends, coworkers, etc.) or abide by its rules, the outsider is often quickly dumped — meaning, potentially great relationships are not even given a chance to grow. Below are 10 ways to tell if he is his own guy: 

1. He’s fine socializing on his own
A man who is able to be out on the town without anyone else is his own guy. If you find that every movie, dinner, getaway weekend, office party or sporting event is all about how many friends he can throw into the mix, be warned — he definitely needs relationship buffers so that he does not have to focus too much attention on you. 

2. He exhibits healthy family separation
Definitely go for a guy who’s got a great relationship with his family, but make sure that he sees them realistically. One of the keys to being a fully formed adult is to be able to balance the love for your family of origin with your own views on how you plan on doing things better for your own family. Is he open about some of his family’s flaws? Is he able to differentiate between the ways his family does things and the way he chooses to do them? Watch his conversations and interactions with his family for clues.


3. He’s willing to sample unfamiliar social settings
This one is big! Is he open to trying things with you that may not necessarily be “his” thing? We all step into relationships with our basic profile of what we think is fun or interesting set in our minds. Test the athlete a bit by suggesting a museum visit or wine-tasting date; offer the finance guy the chance to go to a great indie concert; invite the artist to accompany you to a major company event. If he is willing to give anything a try for you, then clearly he is a guy who goes against the grain and is up for taking chances, no matter what others may think. 

4. He needs no counsel to help him make life’s decisions
Is he able to make major life decisions without a committee’s worth of help? There are going to be a million times over the course of a relationship where you are going to need to hear clearly from him what he thinks. You need to be confident that what he is giving you are his genuine thoughts and opinions, not what his best buddy thinks. 

5. He’s an information/opinion junkie
Are you ever surprised at what he thinks about a hot news topic or a great new television program? Does he ever sort of sway from the expected response when you discuss current events together? If so, he is a keeper. This is a clear sign that he is willing to research and form his own views on his world — that he is definitely his own guy. 

6. He shows off his softer side when you’re together
Do you guys have your own magical relationship world? Is he willing to get sappy or silly with you in an effort to show his interest or love for you? Then this is a guy not afraid to let his softer self shine and be vulnerable around you, no matter what others may think. His goal is to impress and enthrall you instead of worrying about violating any “man code.” 

7. He knows that work is work… and when to stop watching the clock
We all want a partner that wants to move forward and succeed, but is he able to still be your guy while climbing the career ladder? Is he able to put work to the side to speak with you during the day or have an evening out with you after a hard day at the office? Does he value his connections with people as much as his connection to his BlackBerry? What you should be looking for is the well-rounded guy — he values doing well in his career, but also knows that there is far more to living than being in the office late every night. 

8. He knows that, in relationships, compromise is key
A person who is able to see all sides of any argument and make an eventual compromise is a relationship gift! Does he give you time to state your case? Does he occasionally come over to your side of thinking? Is he able to respectfully hold his own ground when you disagree? These are indicators of a man who is unafraid to be who he is, but clearly realizes that the whole world does not have to feel the same way that he does. 

9. He lives in a diverse world
We live in a very diverse society nowadays, where viewpoints, beliefs and backgrounds can be all over the map. Check out your man’s friends and his interests. Does he seem to challenge himself by stepping out into the world, or does he sort of stay in the safe zone of the same-old, same-old he’s always known? If your man has diverse friends and interests, then he’s likely bold enough to not just repeat whatever the popular opinion is about the way things are; rather, he’s busy forming his own, more informed opinion based on his personal real-world experiences. 

10. He’s your guy, not just some male stereotype
Much in the same way that we, as women, are given a mental image of what the perfect partner, girlfriend or wife must be — men also carry an internal image that defines what their role in relationships should be, too. Is he willing to be the guy you need or does he seem to be following the typical “boyfriend” script? For example: You tell him that you hate flowers, but he continues to buy them for you. Or, in conversations about the future, you tell him you plan on balancing a great job with having kids and he seems to steer the conversation back to you staying at home. These are examples of a man who is more interested in following traditional gender roles than making things work with you specifically. Look for a guy who really listens to you and is willing to bend to make sure that you both get the best out of your relationship. 

source: match.com on Y!

Sleepasil

Encumbered with troubled thoughts lately, I thought it best to substitute alcohol or soundboarding with a more obvious option to put me to a good night's sleep:

May I wake up to a TGIF in its truest sense tomorrow. 
Smiling. Relieved. Positive. Heart reformed back to life.


I' m not asking for instant resolutions and reconciliations. There's no such a thing. Not even in sachets. What I'm hoping to avail of w/ this supplement is instant mental rest from all these cerebral chaos manifesting in the physical world.


*Update: As I wake up today, incapable of remembering whether I had a dream or not, things remained the same except that yes, I had a deep sort of sleep. Same meaning silent distance getting wider than ever and distant silence getting deafeningly quieter.

On WeathERR Report & Withering Reposts

Because of this screencap, I am insuppressibly channelling my inner Pedring - my fury against irresponsible, insensitive, selfish, tasteless, tactless, and haughty netizens:

Andaming nagkakalat ng Steve Dailisan error na actually ay News Department's Graphics Department's error, not his. Kala ko buhay ang bayanihan sa Pilipinas? Imbes na laughingstock ang ikalat nyo, bakit hindi relief operations' numbers ang i-post niyo dito nang makatulong pa kayo sa kapwa nyo? Nakakahiya kayo. And no, don't claim it's part of your sense of humor dahil every comic moment has its proper timing. In this pressing time, what you're posting is simply not helping.

Sorry pero batu-bato ni Pedring sa langit, tamaan na ang mga guilty. Maski safe kasi ako sa loob ng tahanan namin ay takot na takot pa rin ako sa lakas ng paghambalos ni Pedring sa labas. I thought, "how much worse yung mga Pilipinong homeless or informal settlers or maski may bahay na mismo ay nasalanta rin? E kung may lumipad na yero at mapugutan sila?"

At habang tayo ay enjoy na enjoy ngayon dahil nabalik na ang Internet connections natin, ang unang inatupag ng ilan sa'tin ay mag-repost ng kakatwang screencap?

Hindi po ako nagmamalinis o nagpapakadalisay dahil I'm yet to make my part sa recovery na 'to ng bansa pero at the very least, hindi naman ako nagpopo-post ng mga bagay na walang silbi, walang katuturan at walang patutunguhan kundi kiliti sa mga makikitid na utak ng iilan.

Patunayan nating may bayanihan at compassion tayo.

Hindi yung active ka lang online para mamahiya ng tao o mga taong higit sa lahat ay nagre-report ng pangyayari sa bansa para tayong lahat ay makapagbigay-aksyon at inaasahang makapaglingkod sa bayan.

For all we know, kaya nagka-typo error ay dahil nagmamadali, nagkukumahog at baka nagkakandarapa pang ihatid ng mga taga-Newsroom ang balita sa 'ting mga nangangailangan ng impormasyon FOR FREE.

Sana LIBRE rin ang KAWANGGAWA para maipamudmod sa mga taong salat dito. pero mukhang mahal ito kaya hindi afford ng iba. Buti nga naman ang Facebook libre kaya dito nila inuubos ang oras sa pagkakalat ng kapahiyaan ng mga Pilipino.

Civic responsibility is not a privilege. 

Democracy is redundantly for free.

but compassion in times of crisis? It's innate.

What manifests from you the 1st time a sensational thing as this broadcasting error hits you is your 2nd nature as a human being.

At bilang panimulang maliit na tulong, let me start by sharing here Gawad Kalinga's contact details:

09175239777/09178888659. 

For Baseco, contact Toby Madayag +639163200809.

For Filinvest 2, Quezon City, contact Justine Cruz +639162738260.

and DSWD's:

9318101 to 07

Grower

Bit a year or 2 back, I sort of pledged to my barkada that the surest sign to know that I was in love was if I grew my hair back. This was actually more as the effect than the cause when my ex "required" me to grow it back because I allegedly look better with it.


Below is my prospective progress as grow-hair.
What do you think?

One Tweeted, "Love's Opposite is Apathy"

Is THIS week a period of apathy?
I'm singing this song but only these lines loop 'till the end:


And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.

Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.

I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.

And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.

I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.

And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.

And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.

And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

I just need you now.

Oh baby I need you now.

My Genie's My Wish

I wish I were a better half to you by making you the happiest when you were with me than when you were alone.
But I could wish no more for only one wish was granted - that moment when you started loving me.
I may have been that selfish to have wished for your love than your happiness.
Now as reality sinks in that my 1st wish is fading away, may my 2nd wish give me the liberty to wish for you this time - your happiness - even if it's bound to happen without me.
You are my genie and my wish altogether.
Tables now turned, may I reign over my own destiny by sufficing yours this time.
Happy.
Not unloved but cherished.
Not replaced but uplifted.
Not lonely but alone happy.

B for Bitter Day

I feel awful that my heart is so embittered, so wrapped up in pitch-black darkness that


a. I didn't celebrate with the family downstairs on my sister's bday hours ago. Yes, my sister & I have just renewed our recurrent tiff weeks prior.
b. I've been having a cold war with my dad for 2 days now. Parinig diyan, parinig dito.
c. I just got singled 3 days ago


I know it's kinda immature and high schoolish but as much as I want to be kid-naive again, I'm verging on running away.


BUT


My Baby Valentine has been holding me back.

My savings are all locked up for her.
Stowing away is pretty expensive.
Valentine, you are driving me mad. Or at least, to good than bad.
I need my passion for life refueled. Do you even have the key?


Should I say Valentine is a boon? No, more a bane.
She's sparing me of arriving at haphazard decisions.


This week is downright gray.
Grayer than Pedring and Quiel combined.
There must be a solid, subconscious reason why Valentine was chosen to be born white.

Are Universities of Paltry Better in Going UP?

Conrado never fails to shed insightful rubs on me. Truly one of my idols back in my Journalism days in High School:

There’s The Rub

Education 101

By: Conrado de Quiros

Philippine Daily Inquirer

First, Abigail Valte said that the students protesting the paltry budget for state universities and colleges would do better “to focus on their studies.”

Then Butch Abad came out to say that hiking the SUC budget to P45 billion, which the protesters are demanding—Abad has approved only an increase from P23.7 billion to P26.1 billion—is not feasible. “If we gave all agencies their maximum budget, the total budget will go past P2 trillion, which is way beyond what we can afford.” And it won’t solve anything anyway. “Note the recent international survey where the well-funded Ateneo de Manila University, De La Salle University and UST (University of Santo Tomas) fared worse than the underfunded UP (University of the Philippines).”

What benighted responses to the protest. First Abad’s:

If you simply diverted the fortune you are pouring into Batanes and the Department of Social Welfare and Development to the SUC, you won’t exceed anything and you will produce infinitely happier results for the present and future. Certainly ones that would have a more profound and lasting impact on the next generations. True enough, if you gave all the agencies their maximum budget, government will be in debt. But why on earth should you? Not all agencies are created equal, some are more important than others.Education is, and epically so. Last I looked the Constitution still said education was the No. 1 priority of this country. Not Batanes or the DSWD.

What’s your logic in saying that impoverished UP is doing better than well-endowed Ateneo, La Salle and UST in the ranking of schools—underfunding universities and colleges helps to improve performance? For all you know, all the ranking proves is that a secular environment is more conducive to learning than a religious one. If so, then you pour vaster amounts into the secular schools and they will do even better than they are doing now.

The proposition that there is little or no correlation between a school’s performance and its funding is silly. You don’t have good teachers, you won’t have good education. And you won’t have good teachers if you keep paying teachers conscript wages. Which is what we have now: The salaries of teachers are criminal. Psychic income, which is the bulk of the income teachers get today, may be good for the soul but they do not buy the groceries. You raise the salaries of teachers (and reduce the budget of Cabinet secretaries, in direct inverse proportion), you recruit better teachers. You recruit better teachers, you’ll get better ranking for schools, particularly the secular ones.

Second, Valte’s:

At the very least, her advice is patronizing. It’s all of a piece with the Communications Group telling workers and jeepney drivers to leave economics to experts. Not quite incidentally, the people protesting the meager sums going to the SUCs are not just students, they are also teachers. Even the students themselves might teach Valte a thing or two about life outside the cocoon of Malacañang. Certainly they can teach her and her boss a thing or two about communications, which they can’t seem to grasp, managing to piss off people when they really should be trying to get them on their side. Or their boss’ side.

At the very most, it’s unenlightened. First off because it lacks a sense of history. If students did not make it a point to protest the protestable, or violently iniquitous, we might even now still be under martial law, with Marcos’ generals in lieu of him overseeing it. It was the students who stormed out of their classrooms to protest Marcos when nobody else would, some of them marching up all the way to the hills, and kept the fires of freedom alive in the darkest pit of his rule. If the students had focused on their studies rather than swelling the ranks of the throng that gathered outside the camps, we might never have had an Edsa. Which harvest P-Noy has reaped, along with his people in Malacañang. Ingratitude is never a sign of grace.

At least today, the students (and teachers) are just huffing and puffing about not getting their due. An eternity ago, a one-centavo increase in oil prices would have been enough to ignite an explosion of outrage. The problem today is not that the students have become wild, it is that they have become tame.

Second off because it posits a myopic view of education. Education is not something you get in the classroom alone. It is not something you get from books alone, though you can get a lot of education there, enough to not need the classroom all. But that’s another story. The students in fact are tending to their studies, if not indeed focusing on them, by being aware of the realities around them, by trying to do something about the realities around them. Those are studies, too, in ways Imelda never contemplated in her University of Life. That is education, too, in ways schools have not contemplated in their curriculums.

Learning there is a world out there, that there is a value that goes beyond looking out for No. 1, is learning. It is studying. It is getting educated. The UP students protesting the SUCs being shoved into the backburner of budget priorities are living up to a glorious tradition, one the Collegian put this way: “Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa? Kung hindi tayo, sino pa?” It was the students then and the students now who grasped the fundamental truth of that motto, the compelling imperative of that battle cry, who lived, and have lived, up to the ideal of being a iskolar ng bayan. They were and are the ones who have served the people.

The others? Well, they just focused on their studies in the narrowest sense of that idea and went abroad afterward, little caring about the country they left behind, crying, “Good riddance.”

That’s not education, that’s insulation.