I Don't Wanna Be Found

I don't wanna be found. 

I am not lost. 

I just wanna be alone. 

I am not lonely. 

True, I miss a lot of people in my life now. I'm itching to bring their asses to wherever I may be at or show up to whoever I'm kinda hiding my whereabouts from. But either fate won't let me or I can't. 

Such a guilty pleasure that I wish to make the last bit of very soon. For I wanna share the fruits of my labor with the people I love the most and have been sacrificing this much for. Where I'm at now is one of the fondest to extend or look back to when over. But I wanna stay tucked in this pragmatic space. 

In spades, this is my reality at its most enjoyable state. A little push further and I might even ditch my mobile phone altogether. After abandoning my social media pages, I am verging on leading a most fundamental form of life. That reeking of organic relationships and confluent introspections. Any point distant from superficiality. To know one as no one. To know oneself as no one's. To "know" over "no."

Of course, the inherent need to be with someone exerts itself to be important. The conjugal feeling of triumph has to be a unitive effort. Then there is the perfect time, which is an elusive parcel of a person who happens to be me. Such time, when it dawns at last, must be worth the climb back to the zenith of either gratification or atonement. 

I write weird. I start simple and end complex. Much like a firework that starts off a pulverization and blossoms forth a floridity. Mistakable for apotheosis but truthfully, a display of psychedelic impuissance. Well, we all know the form which this curlicue ends up being - ashes. Basic. Back grounded. I'm somewhere between this extravagance and occlusion. In that very puny, temporal phase of a decision of whether to lay floating through unfamiliar currents of "anywhere up here" or dive aground, remote to any inferences of felo-de-se, appressed to peace. This is certainly to replenish rather than languish. 

I am excited for my buoyant self to explode into the many pieces of realized dreams. That alone, never into one solid snowball of an ass most people have become on say, Facebook. 

I do want to be profound.