Friday, April 17, 2015

Losses' Learning

Things happen for a reason but that doesn't mean we should feel indebted to the mistakes and missteps or glorify the severity of undesirability in the past. 
Rather, we should ennoble our wisdom for the choices eventually proven right, instigated by the circumstances' disservice. 
No good heart would choose to be bad in order to attain what's good unless you are selfish or indurate. 
For every win derived from losses, we mustn't thank who we beat for falling short but our competency that stands alone.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I've Got AGoT

Licking before tasting all these Leaks


I'm a sucker for behind-the-scenes reels.
Giving me much life before THE life.
It's that same season of the year again.
Difference of four episodes ahead.
Whoever birthed Torrent must be as rich as those 
who did Google or Facebook.

#Destressor

Monday, April 6, 2015

Why

do you do this to me?
Why spare me this feeling beyond ordinary?
Why spare me some time?
Why spare me much dime?
Why do you make me look forward to each waking day 
with your knocks on this imaginary wall between December and May?
Why am I giving in when I shouldn't be?
And why do we keep in touch when the deal had to flee?
If this is exploratory, out of the acceptable zone, 
then I fear for this comfort (or your discomfort to the bone). 
This side of the wall I'm on is that of wilderness. 
But you make me smile, no less. 

Busy ako. Wag ka nga. 
Ako'y napapatula, ako'y napatulala. 

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Bag of SurPrizes

So I have finally returned the wallet packed with 5 figures in it.
It felt so good.
The kind of good other people wouldn't want to feel because apparently, they wanna stay "legal."
I call them "stealth."
I call this new bag "wealth."
The dude is the kindest.
Others, there's a whole new category they belong to.
This bag, the reward, though I never asked for it naturally, is one full of surprises; some unearthed, some yet to unfold.
Guess what: 1 week ago, my father wanted me to have for myself an unassuming laptop bag. My father is jobless and ill. Of course, the only thing he can afford his son is a wish. God answered.

The other emotional baggage I left behind? Marked non-existent. 

Monday, March 23, 2015

A Tale of Boon and Bane

BOON
Remember the wallet I found unattended? After almost a year without a single response (or seenzone trail) from its owner despite all my efforts to contact him, he's finally chanced upon my message on Facebook! After ONE YEAR!!!

And I am returning all the money to him. 

BANE
Guess what: also today, I asked someone to return the huge, huge, unimaginably huge amount of money I "lent" him for a very reasonable purpose. AND HE IS NEVER GIVING THE MONEY BACK. Shame. Legally, with no written agreement whatsoever, he can have it. That's all yours, 6-digit figures of your conscience. 

Truly a shame to know someone who's so shrewd his brain preys on other people's money. The fact he outwits his foster parent with working his way around expenses and bills, as he did me with faux "time deposit," means people who are lazy enough to earn their own money and are complacent with using their astuteness to subsist do exist. Such masterful work of art I never would want to draw myself learning. 

Such a selfless, classy act. True, your fate concludes you don't need a "best friend" to keep you company in your lonely hour. No one would dare rescue a know-it-all who can outwit his know-it-all self. They only come to you when they need your brain because your brain is so rich it can provide for itself the source of vaunting extravagance, self-righteousness, and larceny. You have yourself all to yourself that yourself must be too threatened by your other self. You are such a corporation of depredation. 

Oh and don't mistake your know-it-all self for conscience. Don't mistake your grand act of illusion for an ultimate consummation of the "law." Your benevolence for personal gain. Your punctilious ethical "guide" for your scrupulous margin of trickery. Your ulterior motive is by all means the reflection of your inferior morality. 

No wonder you live in that hollow manse. It teems with ego and subterfuge under the guise of a "good heart." I say "good heart" outside; empty and dark inside.

Of course, don't glorify my credulousness. I wasn't a fool. No, no, no, I'm not. Right from the get-go, I knew some "broken road" is being paved with handsome orchestration. I knew the moment he asked for the initial 6 figures even before it touched my very own hands that something dishonorable was taking place. The second installment of a much bigger sum passing me by just like that signaled a bigger deal of leer. As I disposed all these riches so did my respect for this person whom at first sight is an angel to many yet a broken one to me. I kept all these observations in. The next year of asking for it heard a meager "I've spent it (the time deposit)" reply, on which I have scorned without a word or objection. It was like being fully aware of standing on a rug ready to be pulled from under me any day.

There's a complex story behind this but it's all immaterial to how a person's character has absolutely revealed itself as unassumingly wicked. 

It's rather imprudent to be swayed by astrological renditions of reality. But boy were they eerily accurate all along. Had you chanced upon this ridiculously Delphic oeuvre published monthly by renowned astrologist Susan Miller, you'd easily glean an inkling on what's been happening in my life for the past months. I stopped dead at "someone who owes you money won't be able to pay you." 

What a clincher.

It's another year of renewed affirmation that the money is considered "lost."

It simply took me a lot of time to confront the truth I always knew and unveil the unimaginable brute in "this" person sheltered in avaricious bubble.

Oh what you can learn from "rich" people? They're up there because they like picking and stepping on people down here. They may say they're all legit and legally favored and shit; that's what they eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner - "bills" full of shit. 

And I thought you never had a sense of ambition. I was your "job," all the while. For the first time, you made me proud. I am your most successful project with your aspiration to be a teacher. I am learning big time from your wondrous lesson scheme plan.

You may have all the best 3 liars lawyers in the world on your side but that doesn't take away the fact na ikaw ay MukhAng Cash Zuper. Money doesn't change people; it reveals a person's true character.

"Kindness is priceless."


As of this writing, I have found a new friend and a new nemesis. A new pal who, out of nowhere, needs his money back and his one-year-old wallet's safe with me; and a new nemesis who, out of respect he's lost from and for himself, needs his soul back. 

Bitter and angry? Why me when I couldn't feel any more free?  
You disgust me. Your greed and non-fulfilment of a promise especially do.

Hitting all-time low?
It's you who are hoarding all these 6 figures in your elevator of dignity, going down with all the weight of your avarice.

What my pocket has lost, I can replenish. 
What your unwanted heart has (or wished to have but never had)? Well...be glad "wishes" are for free. Or you might need more 
6 figures from me just to satiate your fantasy.

This day is both a boon and a bane. The irony of ironies. 

You?

Who?
When?
Why?

This song's been long reserved in my engagement catalogue.
Curious who is destined to own it. 

Should "own," not "wait to be dedicated to"

Wonder who's D1.


Saturday, March 21, 2015

Point of Poignancy

I have laid my vulnerable self at some people's doors.

The Relevant.
The Wise.
The Omnipresent.

Not even what I dub "the best."

It was a "long howl" trip down marked rancour. 

Different responses. Some quite expected, some a disappointment. 
I just wanted a release, assuasive or otherwise. 

Such an untellable release that for the second time, I had to put off "Selma" midway. 
Sorry, Martin. The King cannot winnow out this abyssal battle within. May the third try's the charm.

I wonder when will gregarious come.

Play: "Can't Cry Hard Enough"

Friday, March 20, 2015

Muse-ic

My soundtracks to my past heartbreaks were by James Morrison, Dishwalla, Adele, and Sam Smith. 
Respec. Tive. Ly.
Done with that. 
This new chapter in life sees me going back to basics. 
I bet 100% of people who know me would fail guessing who has influenced and inspired my singing & songwriting since I was, what, in my sophomore year of high school. Ordinary People. Read My Mind. We Are The Wave. I Can. My Father's Son. Earthbound. 


He could be the secret answer to a lost password. Truth is, not a day goes by without me humming that sort of untitled familiar 90s tune somewhere in my head; not trying to squeeze a soulful belt only he could masterfully actualize; or garbling random words off his organic archive. He creeps into my subconscious too deep I cannot undo this incorporeal sonic coupling. He could have the perfect contour of vocal talent I never had. He is that much of an unfamiliar territory in my biography but otherwise the one I'd place in the same sentence with Stevie Wonder, Eric Benet, Mariah Carey, BoyzIIMen and that other guy who I feel is his voice's long lost brother - East 17's Brian Harvey. Wish I could be half as great as this underrated man. 

I feel guilty missing his latest milestone when he released another gem - ironically dubbed "Best Friend" in a time I felt I had no solid one. 2010 must've been the year I was totally out of it. Or in a new place myself. Sorry, man. I'm making it up to you by jacking up your play count in my iTunes. You gotta return this favor with a generous dose of music therapy, promise me. I wonder if you still sound the same 18 years since your holy genesis. What I wouldn't give to have a duet with you or be under your voice's spell in a meter or two.

Lord, bring my voice back. I wanna sing the Conner Reeves way.